It’s not the reason that brought me here, 
nor my heart that whispered so clear.
A bud that became a flower 
losing its innocence 
through the cuddles of desire.

The conflict of me and us, 
truth and false.
Expectations to just be, 
nor to think or feel.

Trying to find my way, 
stranded and lost without compare,
accepting the fable, dancing to the tune 
daring not to dream of a life 
I felt I was entitled to.

Tossing and turning 
reminiscing and hurting 
crying and swearing,
never complaining 
keeping the illusion alive 
within, I withered and died.

The last breath that I gave
was for the love that I had,
for an illusion of you that I kept, 
along with the hope that
it will all come to place.

Too long and too steep
was the path that I took.
Step after step 
of repetitive action
deprived of love or feeling
other than breathing.

Horizon of constant 
one shaded grey.
Dull and numb, 
unstimulating ray,
fighting depression
in every way

Void without the colour,
reef in an abyss of deafness,
opening to a brick wall.
Full stop to existence with purpose,
closure without ending.

Every breath, 
every good and bad decision, 
every experience, gained along the way 
was leading to that moment.

No, I couldn’t see it.
I could feel it, 
but denial was too great 
to accept the possibility 
of something taking me away 
from my misery.

Light as a feather, 
Heavy as lead
Free as a spirit
Trapped as the dead.

I surrendered and fell
I stopped to dwell 
in the world of fables 
written by sadness 
trapping in despair 
those who lose their way.

Illusions, self-deception, and lies
the remedy for a broken life, 
a place to visit but not to dwell 
gathering strength to send it, all to hell.

Closed doors opened wide
secrets coming on either side
It’s the truth that will set you free
if you survive the treachery.

No regrets, just praise for the past
let others judge the life they think I led.
Scars on my soul, tear in my eye
smile on my face for the love that I found.

~ Iva